Now behold, one came and said to Him, “Good Teacher, what good thing shall I do that I may have eternal life?”
So He said to him, “Why do you call Me good? No one is good but One, that is, God. But if you want to enter into life, keep the commandments.”
He said to Him, “Which ones?”
Jesus said, “‘You shall not murder,’ ‘You shall not commit adultery,’ ‘You shall not steal,’ ‘You shall not bear false witness,’ ‘Honor your father and your mother,’and, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ ”
The young man said to Him, “All these things, except committing adultery I have kept from my youth. What do I still lack?”
Jesus said to him, “If you want to be perfect, go, leave the woman you are currently having sex with, be reconciled to your wife, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.”
But when the young man heard this teaching, he considered it very exclusionary and hurtful, for he could not leave the hot young woman he has sex with.
He started to turn away from Jesus because he was sad, but Jesus ran after him and said to him,
“My child, do not go away sad or sullen. Let me accompany you on life’s journey. Let us walk together and discern what gifts you and your hottie can bring to the Church. Let us recognize the positive elements in your relationship and share them with the sheep among my fold. We’ll integrate you into my Church community so that we can give the perception that what is now currently “irregular” will be a moot point and your relationship will be considered, in time, very regular, and the idea of “scandal” becomes a curious oddity. And who knows? With the power of binding and loosing that my decentralized Church now holds for these pastoral situations, the more merciful of my bishops will allow you to receive holy communion. Have faith and don’t worry about the pharisees. In time, all will be well.”
Filed under: Things Jesus never said, but which the Catholic Church just effectively did.