Now, this is awkward. Mom wants to tell daughter they considered aborting her. Dad wonders if he should be the one to break the news to her that he and her Mom considered ripping her limb from limb. What to do? What to do? Here’s the very real letter to Dear Abby:
DEAR ABBY: I am 45 and currently going through a divorce. My soon-to-be ex-wife and I have a 14-year-old daughter, “Gina,” and I have custody.
Fourteen years ago, when my wife became pregnant with Gina, we had talked about abortion. We even had an appointment scheduled, but on the day of the appointment we decided not to go through with it. I thank God that we did have our child.
Gina knows nothing about any of this, but my future ex has threatened to tell her. My daughter is mature for her age and intelligent, but I feel the time is not right for her to know. Given the situation, I feel she should hear it from me because of the close relationship we have.
Do you agree that the news should wait until the divorce is final and the dust settles, or should I tell her now? — DADDY WHO CARES
CMR’s Response: Dear Daddy Who Cares,
Let me see if I can put this kindly. ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FREAKING MIND? Seriously. Get yourself checked into the booby hatch if you consider for one second telling your daughter you considered having her ripped limb from limb because of whatever reason (any reason including you felt you were too young, the band was really starting to gel and you really thought that if you just get on the Mike Douglas show everything would really take off, you secretly hated your wife…whatever.)
The only reason allowable to tell her this is if you’re warning her because you’re considering killing her again but since she’s 14, I think that’s only legal at this late stage in New York and California and maybe Vermont.
I thank God too that you didn’t go ahead with killing your daughter. And I’ll pray to God you don’t go ahead and tell her.
Dude, she’s 14. That’s about the toughest age you get. She’s hitting puberty, she’s already getting all confused about the world as well as going through all the issues related to divorce. And you pick this moment to let her know that Mommy and Daddy considered giving her an acid bath?
Here’s all the lessons I’ve learned in my life. It’s short because I’m pretty stupid. Ready?
It’s not about you.
That’s it. It’s not about you. Once you have children they are your responsibility. And the world stops revolving around you and all your troubles.
You’re a father. Act like it. Fathers protect their daughters. And daughters need to feel protected. If you take that away from her, God help her and you.