Family Matters


Man's Abdication

by Chris Beneteau


The recent decision by the Ontario Superior Court to redefine marriage and the almost unanimous support by the federal and provincial governments has made me wonder just why this has been allowed to happen? Is there any one group or institution that should be held accountable? In recent years, I have blamed the politicians, their governments, heretical clergy and a variety of special interest groups who want to recreate society in their own image and likeness. While these examples may be accurate in the broader sense, it seems that the answer is much simpler. The true culprit is the male sex. If only the feminists could hear me now. Unfortunately for them, their glee would be short lived because where they hold men accountable for the repression of women, I hold men accountable for standing behind women who have desired a society without restraint.

In the Genesis account of the fall of man, it could be easy to assign most of the blame to Eve, after all, she ate of the fruit first and offered it to Adam. We forget, however, that Adam was supposed to be the gatekeeper of the garden and he should have prevented the serpent from entering in the first place. For about the past forty years, the fox (satan) has been in the hen house while the roosters (men) have been hiding behind the nests. Obviously, there are a few good men, but in my opinion, the majority have sat on the sidelines and watched as our Christian culture has been deformed and dismantled.

In the 1960's a group of small but driven feminists started to convince women that domesticity and motherhood was a form of slavery. Women were pounded with negative messages on a daily basis by the media and female students started burning their bras on university campuses. Where were the men during all of this? They could have put a halt to this nonsense in a variety of ways. First of all, they could have been living examples of marital chastity for their university bound daughters. Secondly, they could have tried to make things easier on their wives by helping out with some of the domestic duties. Thirdly, they could have reaffirmed the infinite value of their wives by trying to be chaste within their marriage. Finally, they could have reinforced the fact that their wives were doing the most important work on earth - raising the next generation of children. Unfortunately, the consequences of their neglect have been devastating for both families and society.

When Playboy magazine began to usher in an era of mainstream pornography, good men could have stood up and put a stop to it. They could have protested; they could have lobbied their governments; they could have brought shame to those who distributed the filth; but they didn't. Instead Playboy magazine, which based a lot of its beliefs on the unscientific and just plain unethical research of Alfred Kinsey, was allowed to flourish. The success of Playboy opened the floodgates and ushered in the most degrading, filthy and vulgar pornography lining the shelves at our local convenience stores and being broadcasted worldwide on our televisions and the internet. I would argue that pornography is now so acceptable that an adult male would be considered a bit abnormal if he did not indulge in it at least once in a while. In fact, many psychologists even encourage its use to spice up marriage.

I would argue that most women instinctively know that they should not be putting chemicals that interfere with their reproductive cycle into their bodies. They just need good men to support them. Fr. Joseph Hattie, writing for Catholic Insight magazine, said that husbands as protectors of their wives and children should have stepped forward and said NO to the pill in their marriages. For many men, however, their lives revolve around sex, beer and sports. Funny how a large portion of our television commercials espouse these themes. These are the new gods or the things that fill the vacuum in their hazy, lazy existence.

We all know about the millions of children that have been killed in North America since abortion has been decriminalized. We often forget about the horrifying ordeal that the women who choose abortion must endure. Mark Crutcher has written in his meticulously researched book, Lime 5, that thousands of women have been mutilated, sexually assaulted and even killed in federally approved abortion clinics for decades now. Men have just stood by and allowed this carnage to happen because these 'products of conception' would interfere with their desire for so-called consequence-free sex. To allow a child to be born, means that a man is suddenly thrust into fatherhood, yet according to the feminists, children didn't need fathers anyway.

It has been a long time since men have had to take responsibility for anything. Contraception has allowed men to engage in sexual intercourse without having to make a committment of marriage. This has been reinforced by society's acceptance of co-habitation. If a pregnancy should 'accidentally' occur, no problem, it can be terminated. If my wife doesn't submit to my sexual perversions, I can just file for divorce and find a tall blond 'sex partner' who looks just like the women in those magazines and videos. What the heck, if I can't find a women who will engage in the pleasures of the flesh with the frequency that I desire, there is one other option - other men! Society has become a 'new Eden' for men, one that is ordered to satisfy the lusts and cravings in their hearts.

Unfortunately for women, they have been hoodwinked into believing that men actually support them in their desire to have control over their own bodies. The truth is that the unholy trinity of contraception, abortion and divorce, has caused men to have no control over their own bodies. As G. K. Chesterton was once quoted as saying, "birth control equals no births and no control," and boy o' boy have men revelled in it to the detriment of women. Instead of channeling their energy into the raising of their children, men have been roaming the streets like dogs in heat, leaving many women and children abandoned and broken.

Another consequence of the selfishness of men is that women have in many cases been left to wear the pants in the family while men have been more than willing to wear the skirts. The lack of leadership or ‘headship’, which is the rightful role of men, has been forfeited. Instead of loving their wives like Christ loved the Church, men have used their wives and may as well have paid them for their services. These days, some women would probably be more than happy to accept some form of financial compensation.

Why should a man feel that he should work extra hard to financially support his family when women are expected to be financially independent? More women in the work force has been a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it has opened the doors of opportunity for women, but on the other hand, it has led to men and women competing for many of the same jobs.

The feminization of our culture is also a consequence of these weak linguini-spined men. A little sensitivity and feeling is a good thing, but too much creates the talk show culture that dominates the television media. The new campaign slogan for the next government should be, "it's about feelings, stupid." Don't worry about what people say or do but rather how they feel. Forget, reason, logic or just plain common sense. If it feels good do it. Unfortunately, this emphasis on feelings has been a disaster for men, who need to learn to channel their creative and destructive tendencies into positive behaviours such as marriage and parenthood. William Gardiner, the best selling author of the book, The War Against the Family, has found in his research that over ninety percent of all violent crime is committed by unmarried men under the age of thirty. Unmarried, sexually active men are hazardous to the health of any nation.

If you dovetail the last paragraph with the phenomena of absentee or fatherless homes you have a recipe for disaster. Young boys grow up with weak role models who do not demonstrate the self-sacrifice and dedication to family life. Instead these boys have been pawned off at daycare centres, so that mom can make a living or find 'fulfillment.' To these children, life is just one big schedule that never gets smaller or slows down. The most common phrase of parents today is "we're so busy." Schools out for the summer, no problem, we'll just enroll them in summer camp. What these families can't give them in time, they give them in possessions and activities to placate their feelings of guilt. One female teen that I worked with in the past wrote a sad letter to her mother in which she lamented, "my earliest memories were of you dropping me off at daycare." These feelings of loss, I believe are probably all too common.

Not only do men allow complete strangers to take care of their children, they are also quick to institutionalize their parents when they become too old, demanding or sick. The attitude in many cases seems to be "if they get in my way, I'll get them out of the way". It has become so bad that elderly parents seem to expect that this is their final destination. The number of elderly people who have told me personally that they would never want to be a bother to their children is stunning. When we as a society, devalue the contributions of the elderly we put ourselves on a fast track to euthanasia. Canada is on this path because of men.

Let's face it, if men wanted to change society, they could do it. We still have most of the power in government and in the economy. The moral fabric of any society is a direct reflection of the moral character of its men. This may offend some feminists, but the only reason you have made the gains you have made is because men have allowed you to. The reality is that where men go, women follow. Women are naturally inclined to the things of the heart such as chastity, marriage, family and children. All they need is strong men to say, yes this is how our lives should be ordered and we support you. Are there any of these men left? I know some, but not many. The redefinition of marriage has been allowed to happen because good men have done nothing. And no one will be the better for it - not men, not women, and certainly not future generations.

Chris Beneteau
The Catholic Legate
August 5, 2003